I keep on forgetting to mention that I reached 10K on Instagram the other day. I’m shocked I haven’t blurted out those words yet to anyone. The reality is, I find reaching 10K pretty cool but I’m so relieved that I don’t let the number of subscribers or followers on any of my social media handles consume me. I don’t stay awake at night counting the number of likes on post or waiting for the next follower to discover me. No. It’s not like that at all. I’ve always been visual and loved taking pictures. When I look back, I’ve always been somewhat good at social media. I remember back in the good ole MySpace days, I was always being told how much people loved my page set-up and my photos which are now called “selfies.” I guess you can say that I have a raw talent for the internet. It’s so silly when I hear myself say it out loud. Social media has been an incredible platform for my blog. I’m able to reach so many of you on a more personal level. Because of Instagram, I can express my creativity more freely and I’ve been able to drive business from it. Best of both worlds. I’m still waiting for the day I get noticed and someone important sends me off to travel the world, wearing cute designer clothes and taking pictures for Instagram. (Ya right Karissa.) But really, that’s happened to a few of my Fashion Blogger icons. Sincerely Jules, one of my first blogger inspirations, was just doing her own thing on her blog and one day it became an empire. She lives in L.A. for the most part but she’s constantly traveling the world and living it up. Because of her blog success she is now a designer. Like seriously? That’s just one of many fashion blog success stories that I wanted to share. I don’t know if I will ever make it that big. I wouldn’t mind it at all but honestly, I won’t beat myself up if I don’t. I think that is the biggest misconception about me, that all I want is internet fame. Nope, ew, no thank you. I’ve gotten over 10,000 followers on Instagram simply by BEING MYSELF. I think that’s something to be proud of for sure but I won’t let any amount of followers get to my head or more importantly, to my heart. I have a lot of people who look to me for fashion inspiration and trust me, I feel the pressure of it all. Last Saturday I was approached by not one but THREE of my blog subscribers. THREE! Strangers that I had never seen before came up to me saying “Are you Karissa Marie?”
Wuw. What is life right now? I had no idea I was capable of impacting so many of you. It’s an honor to be recognized for the things that I do and for the person that I am. But if I’m being completely honest: I don’t feel appreciated outside of the internet world. I’ve bent over backwards, shown all sorts of my creativity and my kindness and my willingness to GROW to all kinds of people and even though, yes, I do get praised for it, praise is NOT what I’m looking for. I’m looking for a career people. I’m looking for my dream job or at least a step in that direction. I don’t know if it’s just Denver or if it’s just me but I don’t feel appreciated here. My lease to my apartment is up in 3 months and I could not be more excited to pack my bags and hopefully go somewhere where my talent can make an impact and a difference. Somewhere I can throw myself into projects and be surrounded by like-minded people. I really think my age has something to do with the fact that I haven’t gotten a decent job here in Denver. But that’s SO NOT FAIR. I have a lot to give. I just need a chance and an opportunity to prove myself.
YOU CAN’T FAKE CREATIVITY.
So here I am, in the same position I was in last year and the year before: Lost. I’ve been lost for a few years now and I’ve reached the point where I question if I always will be lost. Will my brain be stuck in a state of limbo for the rest of my life? I’ve been “stuck” forever now. The only thing difference is that I have a few more followers. I’m ready for a better, more positive outlook on my life. I ready for better, more uplifting friendships. I’m ready for a better job but more importantly a better self.
I just felt like being honest today. I felt like typing up all my feelings and posting it on my page because it will make me feel better for just a few minutes before I go back to my life of disappointment. My biggest fear is making a living out of something that doesn’t truly make me happy. I want to make a living doing spiritually, emotionally, and mentally fulfilling work.
I fear a job that squashes my creative juices into oblivion.
I need a sign. Any sign that says I am here on this planet for a reason. A literal sign that points in the direction that I should go would be helpful as well because I have no clue what life has in store for me. I don’t even have the slightest hint.
So thank you, 10,oo0 + followers, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for believing in me but I think my biggest accomplishment will be whether or not I can believe in myself.