Moving to New York

 

1ece3a7fea18f23b1518413ef6660bb6Hey guys, I’m moving to New York.

I know…about damn time right? Us newlyweds (and Finley) have our bags packed and our U-Haul ready to go with a big fat grin on our faces. It’s been a dream of mine since I was a wee little embryo to move to Manhattan and in just a few short days I’m making that dream become my reality. I couldn’t tell you what attracted me to New York City in the first place. It wasn’t just the fashion that caught my eye or the city that never sleeps that set this insomniac’s heart on fire. No, it’s so much more than that. It’s the timeless buildings, the unending culture and the people on the subway- each with one hell of a story to tell. I want to listen. I want eat, sleep and breathe this city. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. Who knows how long I’ll end up staying. That’s never something I worry too much about because when your time is up…it’s up. I’ll give it a year, two years or maybe even ten. With the help of God, I’ll know when it’s time to move on and start my next adventure.

So many people told me that I couldn’t do it. Their discouraging words rang in my ear like a blow horn crushing my hopes and dreams with “It’s a rich man’s city” and “I don’t think you’re strong enough.” I finally pushed away their negativity and fought away HARD at my own and it opened my eyes to my own strength and drive that I knew I had within me. I am finally burying the people, places and things that have drowned me over the last couple of years and moving forward with great hope and peace of mind of a new adventure. I feel such calmness with how everything has been falling into place for my life lately. I recently got married to the sweetest, most supportive man and I moved on from a job that wasn’t taking me anywhere but down. These two things impacted my life for the better and made my decision to move to New York that much easier.

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God works in the funniest of ways. Three years ago, right around the time that my brother and best friend passed away, I thought that my life was a dead end. I had no hope for the future and I took my dreams of the concrete jungle, a family and a life full of spontaneity and put them away…far far away. I told myself that without them, my life would have no meaning and that I would never be able to move forward and truly be happy. Here I am, three years later, nearly laughing at myself for thinking such things. I am so much more than the tragic events that I have endured. I am definitely so much more than those mean girls in my life thought I would be. (Oh Karissa, if only you knew that those set backs were actually catapulting you into bigger and better things.) I wouldn’t take back my time here in Denver because it was a step in my story that needed to be taken. Regardless of the negative people that had come my way,  I have also met some pretty incredible girls that I will never EVER forget. They both have served they’re separate purposes but it’s finally time to move on.

What gives me such satisfaction and allows me to sleep better at night is the fact that I’m doing this completely for myself and completely on my own. No one is doing it for me, not my dad, not my mom…no one. I’m taking my hard earned savings, my creative brain and carpe diem mantra and I’m gonna get sh*t done. Wyatt, my sweet loving Wyatt, supports my inner independence and he’s ready for the ride. He knew from the day he met me that I wasn’t the kind of girl to settle. I’m a dreamer, a believer, a do-er and he absolutely loves that about me. I can’t wait see all the beautiful ways that he and I will both grow in the big apple. Our first year of marriage is going to be epic.

Let the adventures of Wyatt and Karissa (and Finley) begin.

NEW YORK CITY… HERE WE COME!

With love,

Karissa Marie

 

 

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Instagram Karissa VS The Real Karissa

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I keep on forgetting to mention that I reached 10K on Instagram the other day. I’m shocked I haven’t blurted out those words yet to anyone. The reality is, I find reaching 10K pretty cool but I’m so relieved that I don’t let the number of subscribers or followers on any of my social media handles consume me. I don’t stay awake at night counting the number of likes on post or waiting for the next follower to discover me. No. It’s not like that at all. I’ve always been visual and loved taking pictures. When I look back, I’ve always been somewhat good at social media. I remember back in the good ole MySpace days, I was always being told how much people loved my page set-up and my photos which are now called “selfies.” I guess you can say that I have a raw talent for the internet. It’s so silly when I hear myself say it out loud. Social media has been an incredible platform for my blog. I’m able to reach so many of you on a more personal level. Because of Instagram, I can express my creativity more freely and I’ve been able to drive business from it. Best of both worlds. I’m still waiting for the day I get noticed and someone important sends me off to travel the world, wearing cute designer clothes and taking pictures for Instagram. (Ya right Karissa.) But really, that’s happened to a few of my Fashion Blogger icons. Sincerely Jules, one of my first blogger inspirations, was just doing her own thing on her blog and one day it became an empire. She lives in L.A. for the most part but she’s constantly traveling the world and living it up. Because of her blog success she is now a designer. Like seriously? That’s just one of many fashion blog success stories that I wanted to share. I don’t know if I will ever make it that big. I wouldn’t mind it at all but honestly, I won’t beat myself up if I don’t. I think that is the biggest misconception about me, that all I want is internet fame. Nope, ew, no thank you. I’ve gotten over 10,000 followers on Instagram simply by BEING MYSELF. I think that’s something to be proud of for sure but I won’t let any amount of followers get to my head or more importantly, to my heart. I have a lot of people who look to me for fashion inspiration and trust me, I feel the pressure of it all. Last Saturday I was approached by not one but THREE of my blog subscribers. THREE! Strangers that I had never seen before came up to me saying “Are you Karissa Marie?”

Wuw. What is life right now? I had no idea I was capable of impacting so many of you. It’s an honor to be recognized for the things that I do and for the person that I am. But if I’m being completely honest: I don’t feel appreciated outside of the internet world. I’ve bent over backwards, shown all sorts of my creativity and my kindness and my willingness to GROW to all kinds of people and even though, yes, I do get praised for it, praise is NOT what I’m looking for. I’m looking for a career people. I’m looking for my dream job or at least a step in that direction. I don’t know if it’s just Denver or if it’s just me but I don’t feel appreciated here. My lease to my apartment is up in 3 months and I could not be more excited to pack my bags and hopefully go somewhere where my talent can make an impact and a difference. Somewhere I can throw myself into projects and be surrounded by like-minded people. I really think my age has something to do with the fact that I haven’t gotten a decent job here in Denver. But that’s SO NOT FAIR. I have a lot to give. I just need a chance and an opportunity to prove myself.

YOU CAN’T FAKE CREATIVITY. 

So here I am, in the same position I was in last year and the year before: Lost. I’ve been lost for a few years now and I’ve reached the point where I question if I always will be lost. Will my brain be stuck in a state of limbo for the rest of my life? I’ve been “stuck” forever now. The only thing difference is that I have a few more followers. I’m ready for a better, more positive outlook on my life. I ready for better, more uplifting friendships. I’m ready for a better job but more importantly a better self.

I just felt like being honest today. I felt like typing up all my feelings and posting it on my page because it will make me feel better for just a few minutes before I go back to my life of disappointment. My biggest fear is making a living out of something that doesn’t truly make me happy. I want to make a living doing spiritually, emotionally, and mentally fulfilling work.

I fear a job that squashes my creative juices into oblivion. 

I need a sign. Any sign that says I am here on this planet for a reason. A literal sign that points in the direction that I should go would be helpful as well because I have no clue what life has in store for me. I don’t even have the slightest hint.

So thank you, 10,oo0 + followers, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for believing in me but I think my biggest accomplishment will be whether or not I can believe in myself.

With love,

Karissa Marie

Top. Skirt. Fedora.

Lipstick and The City/My Dream Job/My Fears

IMG_1868 IMG_1871 IMG_1883 IMG_1895 IMG_1899 IMG_1905 IMG_1917 IMG_1919 IMG_1920When you’re 20, the only questions you get asked are- “Are you going to school?” “What are you going to school for?” “Whats your dream job?” “What the hell are you gonna do with your life?”

My answer to all those questions….”Um…..”

I would like to think that I have a plan for my life. But I’ve thought that before and it didn’t really work out the way I wanted it to. I’m one of those people that knows EXACTLY what they want. My only problem is I don’t know how to get there. I don’t lack in the dream department, that’s for sure, but I do lack in the confidence department. I don’t think I’m good enough…which is crap because I come to my blog and I tell all of you, constantly, to have confidence, pick your head up, and know that you’re beautiful. But ironically enough, it’s hard for me to do those things. I’m working on it, working on it daily. I always think that I made a big mistake by not finishing college. I went for a year and half but left because I failed my last semester after I found out about my brother’s death. I would never use the death of J.J. as a crutch, but it took a lot out of me, it still does, so the thought of going to math class and keeping myself together sounded way too difficult. The MAIN reason I moved to Denver was to get away from that heartbreak and do a little soul searching. I’m working two jobs and no, I’m not going to school. Not right now at least. I’ve needed time to breathe and keep my mind busy or I WILL fall apart. When the time is right I’ll go back to school. But in the meantime I would like to not feel constantly guilty for missing out on all those college memories. That wasn’t part of God’s plan for me, even though I won’t understand why the things in my life have happened, I have to believe that I’ll be okay. I have to believe there’s a bigger plan.

Its hard some days to believe that though. I’m sitting here in my apartment where the lease is over in 2 months. I have no where to go after Decemeber. I won’t go back home to NM but I also have nothing keeping me here in Denver. It’s been hard for Wyatt and I to make friends and we’re going no where in the jobs that we have now. I’m a little lost and to be honest, I’m almost to another breaking point because I really don’t know what to do. I wish there was some sort of a sign that I’m going to have a successful future because at this point…I see nothing. Totally don’t meant to sound depressing. I’m really just typing out loud here. Let’s be more positive shall we? Here are my dreams and my goals for the next 5 years.

1) Find a city (or country) that Wyatt and I both fall in love with.

2) Go to fashion school. (New York or London)

3) Work for a fashion magazine.

4)Have my family be proud of me.

I mean, I would absolutely love to write/style/assist/direct/photograph for a fashion magazine. I honestly envy Carrie Bradshaw’s life. (Don’t we all?) I would love to have her life, minus all of the sex of course. Instead of Sex and The City my column would be called “Lipstick and The City.” Oh! I can see it now! *Empire State of Mind by Jay Z playing in the background*

I think I can do it. Don’t know how, don’t know when but I won’t be happy until I cross these things off of my list. If there’s one thing that’s pushing me through this dark time it’s my brothers voice in my head. If he believes in me, I have nothing to worry about.

Xoxo,

Karissa

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