My Fears

Posted on October 13, 2014 by karissaestrada

When you’re 20, the only questions you get asked are- “Are you going to school?” “What are you going to school for?” “Whats your dream job?” “What the hell are you gonna do with your life?”

My answer to all those questions….”Um…..”

I would like to think that I have a plan for my life. But I’ve thought that before and it didn’t really work out the way I wanted it to. I’m one of those people that knows EXACTLY what they want. My only problem is I don’t know how to get there. I don’t lack in the dream department, that’s for sure, but I do lack in the confidence department. I don’t think I’m good enough…which is crap because I come to my blog and I tell all of you, constantly, to have confidence, pick your head up, and know that you’re beautiful. But ironically enough, it’s hard for me to do those things. I’m working on it, working on it daily. I always think that I made a big mistake by not finishing college. I went for a year and half but left because I failed my last semester after I found out about my brother’s death. I would never use the death of J.J. as a crutch, but it took a lot out of me, it still does, so the thought of going to math class and keeping myself together sounded way too difficult. The MAIN reason I moved to Denver was to get away from that heartbreak and do a little soul searching. I’m working two jobs and no, I’m not going to school. Not right now at least. I’ve needed time to breathe and keep my mind busy or I WILL fall apart. When the time is right I’ll go back to school. But in the meantime I would like to not feel constantly guilty for missing out on all those college memories. That wasn’t part of God’s plan for me, even though I won’t understand why the things in my life have happened, I have to believe that I’ll be okay. I have to believe there’s a bigger plan.

Its hard some days to believe that though. I’m sitting here in my apartment where the lease is over in 2 months. I have no where to go after Decemeber. I won’t go back home to NM but I also have nothing keeping me here in Denver. It’s been hard for Wyatt and I to make friends and we’re going no where in the jobs that we have now. I’m a little lost and to be honest, I’m almost to another breaking point because I really don’t know what to do. I wish there was some sort of a sign that I’m going to have a successful future because at this point…I see nothing. Totally don’t meant to sound depressing. I’m really just typing out loud here. Let’s be more positive shall we? Here are my dreams and my goals for the next 5 years.

1) Find a city (or country) that Wyatt and I both fall in love with.

2) Go to fashion school. (New York or London)

3) Work for a fashion magazine.

4)Have my family be proud of me.

I mean, I would absolutely love to write/style/assist/direct/photograph for a fashion magazine. I honestly envy Carrie Bradshaw’s life. (Don’t we all?) I would love to have her life, minus all of the sex of course. Instead of Sex and The City my column would be called “Lipstick and The City.” Oh! I can see it now! *Empire State of Mind by Jay Z playing in the background*

I think I can do it. Don’t know how, don’t know when but I won’t be happy until I cross these things off of my list. If there’s one thing that’s pushing me through this dark time it’s my brothers voice in my head. If he believes in me, I have nothing to worry about.

Xoxo,

Karissa

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Small town girl with big city dreams.

Posted on October 8, 2014 by karissaestrada

^My face when my photographer (aka boyfriend) farted.
Am I the only one that feels like this outfit belongs to a girl from Oklahoma? A girl who’s just out and about shopping her favorite local boutiques and picking up peaches at the Farmers Market on her way home that’s surrounded by a white picket fence and big red barn in the backyard? No? Okay, scratch that. But I did feel like such a country meets city girl in this outfit. There are hints of both lifestyles in this outfit. The metallic sweater reminds me of the bright city lights while the boots take me back to that open dirt road.

I will never regret growing up in a small town. I complained about it for a good 18 years but I’m so grateful my parents raised me in a itsy bitsy tiny town in New Mexico. What I miss most about that little town was knowing that there wasn’t such a rush to get places. People had manners. People cared only about the simple things. Life was about going to the high school football game on a Thursday night, or hanging out at the Sonic Drive thru. Gosh, do I miss those simple days.I do not regret the decision moving to a big city though. I’ve taken everything that my parents and good ole’ Farmington New Mexico has taught me and applied it to my life here in Denver. I’m happy and a little bit proud of myself to say that I’ve remained the humble, kind, and respectful person that my parents raised me to be. Sorry to say but no city, no state, no job, no amount of money or no amount of friends can change me. I will always remain little old me, that small town girl who’s chasing her big city dreams.

Xoxo,

Karissa

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Girls Love Their Polka Dots

Posted on September 26, 2014 by karissaestrada

This outfit may be perfect for fall but I’m a dummy and wore it on a day that felt like summer. Denver won’t make up its mind. It’s 90 degrees one day and 50 degrees the next. This outfit is slightly out of my comfort zone. I say “slightly” because I would honestly wear just about anything but I’m just someone who loves her bold and boxy outfits way more than the flow-ey, relaxed silhouettes. (Actually, it depends on the day. I have fashion bipolar disorder.) I like my straight edges and this outfit is definitely “hippy-er” than what I’m used to. With that said, I’m always incorporating femininity into my looks. I’m a girly girl and we all know that. This girly skirt has been in my closet for I don’t even know how long. I don’t reach for it often but when I do, it never disappoints. Girls love their polka dots. Why? Because polka dots are like sunshine. That’s why.

Xoxo,

Karissa

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Same girl.

Posted on September 19, 2014 by karissaestrada

I love getting emails and comments from all of you saying you enjoy reading my posts just as much as you enjoy looking at the pictures. I’ve never ever EVER thought of myself as a good writer. I write what I feel, whether it’s witty or honest, I’m strictly being me. Thank you, all 1,170 of you, thank you for allowing me to be myself on here and for loving the non-writer that I am. I will never be one for big words or a large vocabulary. I’m not here to fake it. I’m a dummy when it comes to writing and I think I’ll stick to that. I could never come to MY BLOG and act like someone else. That’s a big no no. I respect other bloggers and just people in general who stay true to themselves. Why be someone else when being you is so much better? I can always assure you that the things I write on here, comes from my own brain and more importantly, my own heart. Always remember that the girl you’re reading is the same girl that’s typing. 100%.

Love you all and again, thank you.

Xoxo,

Karissa

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My September Dress

Posted on September 14, 2014 by karissaestrada

You’ve been following my blog a long time if you already know my love for mustard yellow. Its unreal. I love unique colors in general but when I think of September, I think of mustard yellow. That’s just the way it is. That’s why I chose this little H&M number as my official September dress. It’s so flattering on me considering I don’t have much. It adds curves where I kind of lack them. Let’s just say “I DIDNT get it from my mama.” Hi mom. I’ve always been small, that’s the way God made me, so when I find something that gives me a little somethin’ extra…put it in my shopping bag and lets go. I love a dress that can boost my confidence a little. I thought this print was unique as well, it adds that bold factor that I’m constantly searching for. Done and done. What’s your favorite September dress? How does it make you feel? Like my Facebook page (here) girlfriend, every like I get I’ll eat a carton of ice-cream…Oh wait. I do that anyways.