Dear Wyatt // One Year Wedding Anniversary

Dear Wyatt,

Today we celebrate our  O N E  year wedding anniversary. Today we celebrate our strength within ourselves and our love for one another. We did it. This year happened to be the most challenging year of our lives. We weren’t prepared for the heartache we endured but we were never shaken by it either. We kept going. We took one day at a time and then did that 364 more times. This year was hard. We were brought down to our knees. There’s no other way to spin it. As we celebrate our joyous moments, reminiscing on the love that we poured into one another, it’s easy to acknowledge the pain too. As we stand here today, maybe not as tall as we once were, we recognize this pain that made us who we are. Let’s never forget that. There was a purpose for it. All those tears we cried, I know it in my heart will bring us closer to God and in the end will bring us closer to each other.

Let’s think back to the last 365 days.

In order of occurrence:

//We moved in together. This part wasn’t as challenging as people made it out to be. I love being your roommate. Waking up next to you is the best part of my day.

//We remained abstinent until our wedding night. We kept our relationship chaste from the beginning because at such a young age we knew the value and sacredness of intimacy. I absolutely love this part about our story. We waited 7 years for each other. I would wait 700 more. You’re THAT worth it to me.

//We got a puppy. Okay, okay. This challenge was actually quite fun. We both had no idea what we had gotten ourselves into the day we brought home Finley. I think he turned out just fine, don’t you? Who would have that thought that this small, 6 pound fur ball would have brought so much joy and laughter into our lives.  I won’t ever forget where our story began: You, Me and a dog named Finley.

//We moved across the country. New Mexico to Denver. Denver to New York City. Everyone guided us away from the Big Apple, saying that we couldn’t do it. We packed up a tiny U-Haul and after that nothing was going to stop us because we had each other. We had BIG dreams and BIG expectations that didn’t turn out as grand as we expected but we made it through. We grinded. Day in and day out, both working 12 hour days just to make enough money for rent. Looking back, we were kind of BAD ASS! Who gets married and then moves to New York as their first adventure? US. Me and you. We did it.

//We became pregnant. This short time, as husband and wife, about to become parents to our two little boys might just be my favorite season that I’ve experienced in the last eight years I’ve spent with you. Our love was glowing. The heavens could see us shining. We spoke of nothing but the future. What Asa and Armie would look like. Their favorite hobbies. Which schools they would attend. Everything under the sun we had imagined in our heads. Our love was bouncing off the walls. We were so excited.

Then the unimaginable happen to us.

As our story was just beginning, our world turned upside down. Our biggest fear was actually coming true. That moment in the ultrasound room quickly changed our plans. It crushed our dreams of meeting our twin baby boys, raising them to be the men we had pictured them to be. It’s a moment that haunts us, to put it lightly. Wyatt, losing our baby boys has without a doubt been the most heartbreaking thing to have ever happened to us. We both saw darkness like we never saw it before. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t even recognize the girl standing there. Everything has shifted. We’ve had to, in a way, start from scratch. This tragedy that struck us will be the very thing that brings us EVEN CLOSER together. It hasn’t been easy. We both know this. We grieve so differently. What I love about you and I is that giving up has never been an option and never will be. This love can’t lose. No matter the pain we feel everyday, our love prevails.

You loved me through my teenage years, beginning at just 14 years old. You loved me through the loss of my brother. You loved me through my depression all those years. You loved me through our marriage, so fresh and fragile. And you loved me through the birth of our baby boys: holding my hand as my water broke and as Asa and Armie entered into the world and quickly left it. You’ve loved me through it all. You’ve loved me so fearlessly, yet so tender. I can’t ever repay you for the warmth and light you’ve given to me over the last eight years.

You are love. You are light.  You are my everything.

Happy One Year Wedding Anniversary Daddy. I love you.

 

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Starting New

Hello my dear readers. They say after you experience a traumatic loss you should try and get back to your normal routine. So here I am. Blogging is my safe place. I feel at home here, typing to you. There’s no way I can ever fully recover after losing my two boys but the very best thing I can do for myself is to get up, get dressed and do the little things that make my soul feel at ease. I don’t know where this strength within me came from. I like to think that my Asa and Armie are the reason behind it all. They’re here with me, pushing me along and I owe my life to them and the love they give me. Each step I take, no matter where this life takes me, no matter how happy I may seem in my Instagram posts… I’m thinking of them.

So here I am. I’m starting new. I saw darkness like I never saw it before. I felt pain and heartache I can’t even begin to speak of but I’m here now: Broken and patched up as best as I know how.

Thank you for your prayers. I feel them all.

With love,

©Karissa Marie

Top. Jeans. Bench. NEW! Drugstore Foundation

25 Fun Facts About Us

25 fun facts about Wyatt and I.

  1. We started dating on March 4th, 2009. (5.5 years ago, ca-razy!)
  2. Said our “I loves you’s” two weeks later. (Hey, we obviously meant it.)
  3. Our favorite T.V. show is Big Bang Theory.
  4. Wyatt loves his mornings and I love my nights. Early bird + insomniac = true love
  5. My biggest pet peeve about him is that he’s constantly do weird things with his mouth.
  6. His biggest pet peeve about me is…he apparently can’t think of one right now. (mmm-hmm sure)
  7. Wyatt’s a CLEAN FREAK and I, sadly, am the messy one.
  8. Calling us dog lovers is an understatement.
  9. Karissa- Optimistic Wyatt- Realistic
  10. We’re completely opposite people down to the smallest things.
  11. But our morals and values are identical.
  12. He eats chicken & veggies all day long while I’m over here eating hot fries & chocolate strawberries.
  13. I’m the funny one in this relationship. (He won’t like that one, but its true.)
  14. He’s more scared of spiders than I am.
  15. Steve Carrell is our favorite.
  16. I sing to him in the car (totally off key) daily.
  17. Wyatt has the best luck and I definitely don’t.
  18. He taught me how to drive a stick shift in a black slug bug when we were 15 in the middle of no where.
  19. We laugh more than we breathe.
  20. Wyatt’s a Taurus and I’m a Virgo.
  21. I still wear my promise ring that he gave me 4.5 years ago.
  22. Our favorite thing to do is dinner and a movie.
  23. Our nicknames are so embarrassingly cute. I dont even know why I’m typing this right now. We call each other Booger Sugar, or Sugar Booger. Oh gosh, I’m gonna regret that one.
  24. He took me on a helicopter ride around our city and had “Prom?” in lights on the ground. (Spoiled? Yes.)
  25. We’re each others best best friends and we love each other unconditionally.

DSC_0129copy DSC_0132_2copy DSC_0138_2copy DSC_0167copyDSC_0250copy DSC_0172_2copy DSC_0174_2copy DSC_0208copy DSC_0259_2copyDSC_0265_2copyDSC_0199_2copyAnother fact, Aspen from Aspen Groen Media took these breathtaking photos. I adore them. She captured us impeccably. I can’t wait to look back, 80 years from now, and look at these photos and know exactly where we were at in our lives and in our relationship. He’s my best friend. I love him and I love these photos. Thank you Aspen. Check her stuff out —> Facebook | Website

My Dress | His Top 

Xoxo,

Karissa

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20th Birthday

These pictures mean a lot to me. I wanted to remember where I was at in my life when I was 20. I like ice-cream. I like going to the movies with Wyatt. I put cheese on everything. Naps keep me happy and I love to dress up. Even though I’m in my twenties (wuw…thats weird to say) I will always be a kid. This little girl inside will never want to grow up. I will say though, I think I’ve been through my fair share of battles. I’d like to think of myself as one tough cookie (mmm, cookies) because after much loss, I’m still here, standing tall… ok I’m wearing heels but whatever. I know my brother is looking down on me and thinking “Atta girl.” But to tell you the truth, its still so hard. I would want more than anything in this world to celebrate my 20th birthday with my brother, but that wasn’t part of plan I guess. In spirit, I know he’s here walking with me, everyday. I hope he sees how far I’ve come. I hope he knows that even though I’m trying to move on…I will always miss him, with every step I take. Looking back on my life I wanted to remember that even though my life was dark at times I still managed to smile and eat my ice-cream. I’m proud of myself. I did it. I’m doing it. Taking it day by day. Can’t wait to see what the next twenty years bring. Lots of recovery, happiness and life, I hope.

Whatever it is YOU’RE going through, always remember to smile and eat that ice-cream. Somebody loves you. I love you.
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Before I go I want to give a huge thank you to Aspen from Aspen Groen Media for taking these uh-mazing pictures. She made my vision come to life and took all my stress away. That’s all I ever look for in a photographer and she nailed it. I have much more pictures with her coming up soon so stay tuned and while you’re at it go check out her blog Makeover with Aspen. Like her Facebook pages as well —> Photography | Blog  Thank you Aspen. (Big hug here)

Xoxo,

Karissa

P.s. My birthday was August 23rd. Where are all my virgos at? Beyonce? Mother Teresa? Ladies, we rock.

Dress | Shoes (Zara)

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