Starting New

Hello my dear readers. They say after you experience a traumatic loss you should try and get back to your normal routine. So here I am. Blogging is my safe place. I feel at home here, typing to you. There’s no way I can ever fully recover after losing my two boys but the very best thing I can do for myself is to get up, get dressed and do the little things that make my soul feel at ease. I don’t know where this strength within me came from. I like to think that my Asa and Armie are the reason behind it all. They’re here with me, pushing me along and I owe my life to them and the love they give me. Each step I take, no matter where this life takes me, no matter how happy I may seem in my Instagram posts… I’m thinking of them.

So here I am. I’m starting new. I saw darkness like I never saw it before. I felt pain and heartache I can’t even begin to speak of but I’m here now: Broken and patched up as best as I know how.

Thank you for your prayers. I feel them all.

With love,

©Karissa Marie

Top. Jeans. Bench. NEW! Drugstore Foundation

Pregnancy Update (Week Seventeen)

Hello my lovely friends.

I swear it was just yesterday I was taking a pregnancy test and crying with Wyatt over the news of our positive result. Jump to week eleven and there we are in the ultrasound room completely shocked out of our minds that we were having twins. Now here we are, Week Seventeen. Can time slow down just a little? I’m savoring every second with these sweet babies in my belly. Only hoping and praying that they’re growing okay and receiving every bit of nutrients they can. The babies will be here in four short months and I just cannot even believe it. We’re almost halfway through the pregnancy! WHAT! (Twins are typically born one month before their due date.)

My second trimester has most definitely been much easier than my first. Ladies, no one is kidding or exaggerating when they talk about how excruciating morning sickness is. UNREAL! I feel just so blessed to be alive right now because for a moment there I saw death. (Hehe.) But really, my morning sickness was ongoing and nonstop until Week Fifteen. Praise the Lord it’s since been a lot easier to handle. I’m still feeling really tired and can only handle a few hours outside the comfort of my own bed but I’m learning that it’s okay to listen to my body. If I need more rest, I’m no longer ashamed of asking for it. I take my happy butt to the couch, throw on some Netflix and just sit there for hours!

On the flip side, staying active is VERY important. Wyatt trains me for 45 min-60 min twice a week at his gym. Right now we’re focusing on strengthening my back because I’ve always been prone to back pain and there’s nothing that scares me more than having chronic back pain during the end of my pregnancy. We’re also trying to strengthen my endurance. It’s no fun walking up one flight of stairs and immediately feel winded! I’ve got a long way to go honey.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. MY GROWING BABY BUMP! Statistically, women who are pregnant with twins typically gain 5-7 pounds by Week 17…I’ve gained 15 pounds. HA! Those comments like “Wow, you’re showing so fast” and “You’re belly is huge” no longer effect me (kinda) because before I got pregnant I was only 95 pounds and I’M CARRYING TWINS! Give a girl a break. I was so worried I wasn’t eating enough for them because there would be days I couldn’t eat anything at all due to my severe morning sickness. I’m thankful for these extra pounds and the extra curves that come along with it because that just means my babies are getting more than enough.

M-A-M-A  P-O-W-E-R!

{ I’ve gotten so many questions on if we’re finding out the sex of our precious babies and we’re actually NOT going to find out. I think some things should remain a mystery and we only have to wait four months until we meet our angels so what’s the point! Paint colors for the nursery can wait. }

Within the next few weeks, we’re really going to be buckling down on ultrasounds and other doctor appointments. We have many hours ahead to look forward to spending in the hospital. Two babies mean twice the complications. I’ll be having an ultrasound every two weeks from here on out. Every time my doctor will check my cervix to prepare  and prevent preterm labor. Pregnancy is beautiful and nothing compares to it but no one tells you how scary it is. I worry all the time. Are my babies okay? Are they eating enough? Is Baby A catching up to Baby B or his he/she still behind in growth? SO. MANY. UNANSWERED.QUESTIONS. This is where I have to put my entire trust in my God. He wouldn’t have picked me out to be a twin mommy if he didn’t think I couldn’t handle it. I remind myself of this every day.

 I cannot even express to you my gratitude for these tremendous blessings. Every second of everyday Wyatt and I are thanking God for gifting us with not just one life but two. From the moment we found out we were pregnant God hasn’t stopped blessing us and we feel so overwhelmed by his unending grace. He has truly answered every one of our prayers. Never give up on hope. Have faith in His plan because the moment you let go and give all control to Him, your life will never be the same.

Until the next BUMPdate,

©Karissa Marie

Wearing: Bra. Kimono. Maternity Leggings.

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We’re Having TWINS!


Wyatt and I are having not just one baby but TWO! We cannot even believe it ourselves. We feel double blessed, double happy and double loved by God. 

Twins. We’re having twins. Two babies.

 I’m writing this in complete shock knowing that God blessed us with TWINS. I still feel like I’m in some sort of dream. Someone pinch me.

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In our very first ultrasound, our doctor was very confident that there was just one baby in there. It looked like it to me according to the screen. One tiny healthy peanut growing at just 8 weeks old. Come to find out it’s very common for the other baby to be hiding behind it’s sibling. WHO KNEW! I’ll admit when we got pregnant I had this feeling that it could be twins. For those that don’t know, my brother has a set of identical twin girls and my dad has a cousin with twin girls as well. It KINDA SORTA runs in my family. I also felt like my symptoms were so much stronger than they should be. I was TOO fatigued and TOO sick. Why was this pregnancy hitting me so hard? I was also very self conscious about my weight gain as well. I was showing around my 9th week, thinking “Man, I am huge. I’m not supposed to be showing this quickly.”

We went into our second prenatal appointment just excited to see how our ONE baby was growing. It was supposed to be a quick little check up because our ultrasound with the Doctor that’s delivering our baby wasn’t for another week. I actually thought it was just more blood work until she tells me to lay down and squeezes the warm jelly on my stomach. She rolls the ultrasound thingy around on my stomach for not even 20 seconds and then stops. Wyatt and I both briefly saw two images on the screen and I was thinking “Hmm… Weird.” Then that’s when the ultrasound technician said, “Did your doctor tell you you’re having twins because it doesn’t say this on your chart?”


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Wyatt fell to the ground. I don’t even know what happened to him. One second he was standing up and the next he’s just on the floor. I was crying happy tears, clearly too excited to notice my husband was having a mental breakdown. We asked the poor ultrasound lady A THOUSAND times if she was sure. She showed us two tiny little bodies with arms and legs jumping around all over the place and proved to us that there was in fact two healthy babies growing inside of me. God is just too good. He must really have faith in our first time parenting skills. 

Funny story. My mom knew I would be pregnant with twins this entire time. A mothers instinct proves to be so strong. The very day we told my parents, it was Christmas and we were going out to a special restaurant in Manhattan to celebrate Jesus’s birthday and to celebrate the baby news. My mom had this lemon on her plate and I told her “Mom, the baby is the size of a lemon seed right now.” She picks out TWO lemon seeds, puts them in a napkin and slides them into her purse to savor the memory. She said “Two lemon seeds, TWO babies. I have a feeling.” Even after our first ultrasound when I told her we were just having one baby she said word for word “Nope, I still think it’s twins.” Well mom. You were so right. You’re always right.


I know this sounds a little cheesy but I do believe God has a big plan for each of us. He knowingly puts people in our lives for a reason and he also purposefully takes them away. 3 years ago, my brother passed away. Just 20 days later, my best friend also passed away. They were my two best friends that really shaped and molded me into who I am and in such a short amount of time they were taken away from me. After many difficult years filled with anger, depression and loss I came to realize God’s unbelievable love for me. It was only then that I was able to understand why God allowed them to go to heaven too soon. I don’t think it’s just a coincidence. I choose to believe these two babies will have a piece of my brother and a piece of my best friend within them. I know it in my heart. He took two and now he’s giving me two in such a beautiful way. The bible says: 

Lamentations 3:31 “For no one is cast off by the Lord forever.  Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.” 

Unfailing. Forever. 

Thank you, thank you Jesus. 

A double thank you for a double gift. 

We are double happy.

With two heartbeats in my belly,

©Karissa Marie

A Layering Game

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Styling your wardrobe in a climate like New York City during winter time is nothing but a layering game. Sometimes there’s no choice left but throw on this and throw on that just so you can stay warm. I miss my southwestern winters because the dry weather made life a little more simple. Here in NYC the weather is consistently wet, windy and cold which just forces me to leave me behind my fashionista logic and instead grab my warmest leggings and pullover sweater along with my sociably forbidden UGG boots. That’s my life right now. On top of being pregnant and battling my morning sickness, the very last thing on my mind is looking cute for the world. I decided to photograph my outfit on the one occasion I decided to dress up and look like a girl. Go me. I was also hiding my little baby bump with this gorgeous swing dress. Warning: The dress runs ridiculously wide, so much so that I had to take it in significantly on sides. I would honestly go a size or two down.

With love,

©Karissa Marie

Dress. Jeans. Faux Fur Jacket. Necklace. Hat

Foundation. Lipstick “Ruby Woo”

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We’re Having A Baby!

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Cupid Got Us A BABY! 

Wyatt and I are absolutely over-the-moon and could not be more ready for this next chapter of our lives. We are thanking God every second of everyday for gifting us with this precious child. We really cannot form into words how much we love our baby already. I’m so happy that the word is officially out and I can finally share with you my pregnancy journey so far: From how we found out, to the juicy morning sickness details and unwanted weight gain. I’m happy to share my experience to those that want to hear it! Hold on tight folks because things are just getting started. 

Becoming A Mom

I’ve wanted to be a mom since WAY before I should have ever thought about becoming a mom, and not just a regular mom but a cool mom. (I had to throw in a little “Mean Girls” quote.) You know when you’re just destined to do something, to be someone? Ya. Well that’s me and motherhood. We are like to Mac and cheese. There’s no denying it. There’s no saying no to it. You just end up eating the entire bowl. Mmm… Mac and cheese. I lost track. Where was I? Oh ya. I’m going to be a mom.

I’m loving every second so far except for the occasional throw up sesh in the middle of the subway station. My morning sickness aka morning, evening AND night sickness has FINALLY subsided, well kind of. I really thought I wouldn’t be able to make it to the other side but I did. Oh man. Morning sickness is NO JOKE. It hit me like a ton of bricks just when I thought that I was one of the lucky ones. Nope. I’ve never felt nausea like that in my entire life. I’ll still occasionally vomit at random but it’s much better than being bed-ridden all day long. Besides the typical aches and weird food aversions I’m feeling much better heading into my second trimester. Look at me… Talking all pregnant and stuff. 

My Growing Belly

I’ve gained nearly 10 pounds which I’m really proud about. I honestly cannot tell if I have a bump right now or if I’m just eating too much icecream but either way this bigger and rounder stomach is loved and appreciated. I can’t believe how aware I am of my body. It’s so hard to explain but even though its too early to actually feel the baby kick, I can feel the baby inside of me. Even when he/she was just the size of a raspberry, I could feel its presence. It’s the most incredible feeling and I’m so grateful to experience the magic of pregnancy. One morning I woke up around the tenth week and felt the baby much heavier than the day before. It’s like the little nugget grew overnight!

Finding Out We Were Pregnant

We found out on December 20th via Pregnancy Pee Test. I had this feeling for a couple of days but didn’t want to jinx anything so I never said a word to Wyatt about it. I had been getting my usual pre-menstrual cramps which was very discouraging and made this all very confusing. My intuition was stronger. I was having these dreams and visions all day long. I just KNEW in my heart that I was pregnant. That was the longest work day of my life. I ran home as fast as I could because I knew we had one pregnancy test left. I got home and Wyatt had just gotten off of work, he was hanging out on the couch with Finley. I threw my jacket and things down ran to the restroom to take the pregnancy test. As it was deciding our fate, I went over and propped the camera up and hit record because I just knew our lives were about to change and I wanted it to be documented. I went to the bathroom and saw those TWO PINK LINES saying that I was p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t !!!!! I was shaking uncontrollably when I screamed “WE’RE HAVING A BABY!” Wyatt’s first words were “No, no, no. You’re lying to me.” I won’t ever forget that. We cried together, laughed together. I’m so happy I caught it all on camera. (Might even upload it to YouTube.) 

Our Very First Ultrasound

Our first ultrasound was one of the best days of my life. Aside from marrying Wyatt, hearing our baby’s heartbeat was seriously the most incredible moment EVER. We had been awaiting this day for what it seemed like forever. Most doctors won’t accept you until you’re around your 8th week. We walked into the office, both nervous as ever. I couldn’t concentrate when filling out my medical forms. I even turned and asked Wyatt, “Hey, What’s my birthday?” I was THAT out of it. The hospital and the staff that we chose were out of this world amazing. They were the nicest group of women. I felt so safe and I confidently know that my baby and I will be WELL taken care of. Once we got settled into our room I knew what was coming. I made sure to do my research beforehand so I wasn’t too overwhelmed. 

The first Prenatal Appointment is a hefty one. Things to expect: 

  1. Urine Test
  2. Pelvic Exam including a Pap Smear
  3. Breast Examination 
  4. Transvaginal Scans (The Ultrasound for early stages.) 
  5. Health/ Medical/ Family history. 
  6. Blood tests. (And a lot of them.) 
  7. A pregnancy safe flu shot. (My doctor recommended it.)                                      

Wyatt was my rock through all of this. That day I knew I had picked the right guy to marry and to raise a family with. (I always knew but this really reinsured me.) He held my hand SO TIGHT and did not let go. He made sure I knew he was right there as I was getting these quite uncomfortable tests done, most that I had never done before. I could not have asked for a better partner. Thinking back to that day brings me to tears. He sure made me proud. Speaking of crying, Wyatt and I were immediately in tears when we saw our tiny little peanut on the ultrasound screen. I couldn’t help but sob because there OUR BABY was. It’s like I was meeting my best friend for the very first time. After 8 months of trying to conceive, we had our little miracle. Our sweet bundle of joy. Words cannot express how happy we were in that moment.

God is so good isn’t he. The day we found out we were pregnant was also the day we were going to a fertility clinic to run some tests just to triple check that everything was functioning okay… We never showed up to that appointment. God heard our prayers loud and clear and gifted us with LIFE on His timing, not ours. 

I just have three words left to say: 

Thank you Jesus. 

Photography: Stephanie Sunderland Photography