I’ve had that Taylor Swift song stuck in my head all day. You know, the one where she sings “Someday, I’ll be living in a big ‘ole city and all you’re ever gonna be is mean.” Sometimes song lyrics bring such comfort to me on days where I feel so small. Just a heads up, I feel like venting and I don’t have anyone to vent to at the moment so here I am typing my little heart out hoping that someone out there understands the way that I feel.
Here we go.
People are mean.
I could stop it right there but I’m sure you would like a little more explanation as to why you’re not getting a typical fashion post in your inbox today. Well, I currently have a raging headache from crying so hard because I’m just so darn sick of being treated poorly. I’m sure so much of you can relate to being beaten down emotionally and girl, it’s tough. I get it.
Let’s back track a little bit shall we? I mentioned very briefly in a previous post that I was bullied in school. I think all those times that I was shoved and kicked to the ground, literally and more than once I might add, has made me so much more vulnerable. I won’t get into my deep dark past of being emotionally and physically bullied in school but I’ll just say that the bullying doesn’t stop there. It’s everyday. It’s between strangers, co-workers, friends and family. I wish I could say that the rude words and actions and feeling completely defeated and small stops after high school but it doesn’t and that’s what I had expected when I graduated. I’m an adult and the moment I even get a vibe that someone is upset with me or when someone is being rude to me, it immediately takes me back to all those times I was bullied in school and I just lose it. LOSE IT. I would love to think that going through a lot of abuse while I was younger has made me stronger but I think my brain and heart developed differently.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a problem with “taking things too personally.” Carrying a whopping 10 pound heart comes with a lot of responsibility. Lots of tears and lots of heartbreak. Even the smallest things will make me cry. I don’t really want to say that it’s because I’m sensitive, (I secretly hate that word) but I think it’s because ever since I was a little girl I’ve been put down. I will not name any names but someone in my family, who is very close to me, has emotionally abused me my entire life. They’ve questioned my intelligence, my work ethic, my life goals…and well to make it short, me. They’ve constantly expressed that what I’m doing and who I am isn’t enough. I’m literally tearing up just typing this because it still bothers me that I can’t be all that this person wants me to be, even today, and it bothers me that even though I’ve grown up and moved away from this person, I still get emotionally abused from other people on a daily basis. I’m so sick of it. I’ve, unfortunately, have taken things to a new level and started medication for my depression and anxiety. I’m know a lot of it has to do with just being born this way and losing a family member but I think the rest of it is because I started to believe all those things that my bully’s had told me. Their little twisted words are stuck in my brain forever. (On the bright side, I’m a lot happier since I started the mediation. Haters gonna hate but my medication will fix that. HA!)
A revelation that I had today, and my point to writing this, is that I will NOT apologize to anyone for having a big heart or for being so “sensitive.” (Gag) I won’t change for anyone, not even for a family member. If I feel like I need to cry, I will. If I feel like shutting people out that have had hurt me, I will. If I feel like taking things too personally, I will. If I feel like typing up a blog post, I will. I am me. I am enough. I love me. Your rude thoughts and actions towards me may break my heart, yes, but they won’t entirely break me. Your hurtful words may ruin the moment but after a good cry and a good nap, they won’t ruin my day. The world would be such a wonderful place to live in if people just realized that their thoughts and actions have true consequences. From little smirks, to mean words, to ruining someones day, you have such an effect on other people, more than you might know. I challenge every single one of you to think before you speak, apologize if you’ve wronged someone and continue to walk with love.
The world and the girl typing up this blog post could use a little bit of that.
People are mean and that’s just not nice.
With Love,
©Karissa Marie
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Karissa Marie 
Well…. girlfriend 1st you write beautifully and your story rings true for me as well! I say a prayer that when I get up or hell especially before I go to work …to just have love and no judgment, to understand that it’s there shit …wow not mine and it blows me away the lack of kindness, understanding and love that other human beings have for one another. That negative self talk that we can do to our selves can destroy us! I admire you….
And I got your back!
❤ N
Long time lurker and lover of your blog. Just wanted to tell you that you’re on the right path and have the right attitude about receiving negative criticism and experiences. It’s hard to be a big hearted and sensitive person sometimes, I completely get it. The world is a cruel place often, but there is so much unsurprising beauty left in humanity. The best thing you can do it be you, do what makes you happy, and feel confident every step of the way, despite the critics. It’s easy to take for granted to littlest acts of kindness in our day, but it’s amazing how much you can impact a strangers life just by being kind, even if it’s a brief encounter. As for those closer to you, continue to distance yourself from the toxicity; it’s seriously not worth it to let them affect you. Easier said than done, but you’ll continue to grow and find that strength with that attitude! You’re only given this life once, so make the most of it and be YOU! There will be ups and downs, but don’t question yourself, because you know what’s best for you 🙂
First off, just wanted to say I absolutely LOVE your blog. 🙂 I know it’s hard to block out the haters (I was bullied all through school growing up and it still sometimes gets to me) but from what I’ve learned, a lot of the time bullies are just jealous because you have something that they don’t. They might wish they had your sunshiny personality, killer style (I know I would love to have your closet haha), or maybe they don’t have confidence in themselves and need to put others down to feel better. Whatever their reasoning is, know that we all support you and like you for being you 🙂
Karissa, I’m so proud of you for taking the bigger stand and staying positive. I feel like I can relate because there was a guy that would make fun of me for being short and honestly I feel like I’m a normal short kind of girl. Anyway I feel you. If I could give you anything the thing I would say is to go listen to Rise Against’s Make it Stop. That song is amazing. Look at it on YouTube.
Xo erica
I recently stumble upon your blog a couple months ago and fairly new to blogging myself I found your blog content and your writing to be funny and superb. From what it sound’s things haven’t been going very well and I’m truly sorry for that but you know that is just whats going to happen in this kind of world we live in. PEOPLE are mean and rude and I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon but you hold on girlfriend; I’m so proud of you for taking the positive route. So as I said I started reading your blog and I really found it to be enlightening! And I know you have been debating on whether to delete your blog, but girl say it isn’t so, I really really hope you don’t because in the way you write, you have a voice and quite unique perspective on the world and you know what I think you should voice those opinions on here and those people that are being rude to you will think twice about treating you like they did. Anyways wishing you the best girly! I also found we have a lot in common; besides being fashionably awesome we both share a birthday on August the 23( happy be-lated birthday by the way). Anyways whichever choice you make I will support you and if you continue your blog(wish I hope) then girl I’ll have your back I would love to become blogger gals(besties). You can just check out my site at http://www.haitianfashionista.com and send me a message if you want to collaborate or anything! Wishing you the best of luck girly!!!
xoxo -Killy