Where do I begin? No really, someone help me figure this out. For the last 6 months (ha, more like the last 20 years) I’ve been struggling with my next step. Will I go back to school? Will I move again? Will I find an amazing opportunity and take risks? Will I work for a fashion magazine? …And the biggest question of all: Will I move in with my boyfriend?
Here’s a little backstory if you’re new to my blog. My boyfriend Wyatt and I have been together for nearly 6 years. He’s my best friend, my rock, my sunshine. He’s where I will be for the rest my life. Period. We are the perfect match even though we’re complete opposites. We’ve been laughing and dancing in public since the 9th grade and it’s never stopped. He’s my favorite person to share my stories with, vent with, giggle with, eat with, cry with…he’s everything to me. I have no doubt in my mind that he is the one for me. I’m a better person because of him.
My dilemma. Every single friend I have lives with their boyfriend. Every movie I watch on T.V., couples live together like its no big deal. Both of my older brothers did it. But on the other hand, I have my mothers voice of wisdom in my ear, constantly whispering to not move in until I AM MARRIED. So please understand why I am so confused. I don’t know what to do. My brain says move in. It’s financially smart at the moment. But my heart says no, don’t move in. Ever since I was a little girl I’ve always wanted to wait to move in with someone until we were married. It’s been my life goal, honestly. I was taught that it was the “right” way to do things. I knew it was gonna be hard but I didn’t know it was going to be this hard. I have one parent saying move in and the other saying the opposite. I’m an adult that cannot make my own decisions. Someone please make it for me because I’m terrified that I will choose wrong. I mean it’s 2014 people. Everyone lives together. So why is it so hard for me to make that decision?
Pros of living with your boyfriend
-It’s like a slumber party EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT
-Cheaper rent
-Making memories in our OWN little place
-Breakfast every morning…made by him. 😉
– We could coordinate outfits… hehe
– Use less gas from driving back and forth between places
– Waking up to his beautiful, mouth wide open, face
-Feeling safe
-Movie night- Sunday through Saturday
-Our place would be clean 24/7 because Wyatt is a clean freak
– We would have so much more room for activities!
Okay, next.
Cons of living with your boyfriend
-Random smells. That is all.
No, I’m kidding.
-No where to escape from arguments. (It’s a girl thing.)
-I couldn’t have my clothes thrown every where but there’s really nothing else I can do about that one. Clothes will be thrown…..EVERYWHERE.
-Not being original. Choosing the easier way.
-Biggest one of all: I would feel like I let myself and my family down.
So here we are…Will I or will I not move in with my boyfriend. That is the question my friends. I have to make my mind up within the next 48 hours because my lease is up very soon. I will keep you all updated when the decision is made. My question to all of you is…What would you do?
Go.
|My Top|
Karissa Marie 
My boyfriend and I just recently made 7 years, he is my best friend. The idea of moving in together has passed my mind quite a few times (and in his). But at this point in my life, I think I need to first work on myself before I can move in with him. I want to know that I can provide for myself and not have to depend or put any weight on his shoulders. And (idk, this may seem silly) I like the idea of waiting till I’m married to move in with him. I’m a hopeless romantic who cannot wait until I am engaged! What better way to get excited than looking forward to moving in with your best friend AND getting to marry him. It’s like a whole new part of your life just waiting to happen. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but its the way I look at things. I want things to just flow and not have to force any big decisions.
Whatevers meant to happen, will happen. Hope that helped!
Xo,
Kiara
I had a similar debate with myself when I took the plunge of moving in with my boyfriend. We ended up deciding to move in together because in the end, it just felt right. And the truth is, some days it is really hard and all of the pros you listed won’t always happen. But neither will the cons and that’s the great part of it. Living together is nothing like you imagined and exactly how you imagined it all at the same time. If you feel it is right for YOU, then go for it girl! (And I still throw all my clothes around a year later!)
Hi Karissa. Since you asked, here it goes: First of all, I gotta say, you & Wyatt are such a good looking couple. By what you said about him & your relationship with him sounds divinely special…a match made in heaven. Okay, now the honest stuff: 1) All the pros/cons you listed are benefits of marriage. 2) Your mom is right…cuz she loves you enough to want God’s BEST for your life. When we live outside God’s order/pattern for life, life becomes difficult at best. God wants to bless you & Wyatt with a good life, but in order for that to be, He must be the center of your relationship, so why not include Him in your decision? Just because everyone else is “doing it”, is no reason to go outside the box (of God’s will/plan). If you really love each other & God, then let God show you the best way for your life. When you get His seal of approval, it’s total freedom & joy!
Wishing you & Wyatt God’s best!
(BTW: Your mom is very wise in her old age, you would be very smart to listen to her pearls of wisdom…they are of great price!)
Be still in your quiet place and listen for Jesus to answer you. Then follow His direction, you wont go wrong even if its hard, for “If he is for you, who can be against you?” FYI, Im Wyatts Mama! Im going to trust the Lord to guide you both! IF you decide to move in be proactive to make it work. My suggestion, get a 2 bedroom you can afford so both of your furniture can stay with you, and you each have a place to get away from arguments! You will also have a place for friends or family to stay with you when they come to see you. Get an affordable place in case work falls off and you don’t have the money to pay high rent. Its better to save your money than to give it to a High cost apartment that will own you. You have both stood firm in what you believe in, Trust GOD to guide you! I will continue to pray for you both and your decision! With Lots of Love!
In the end you will make your own decision, all I can tell you is what I have decided to do for myself and why! 🙂 I will not move in with my boyfriend until his title has changed to my Husband. I am so excited for the day that I become engaged and marry my handsome man, because that is what I have dreamed of my entire life. When you move in before getting married it dulls the sparkle of married life, I know a lot of people who say “we were basically married so we just made it official.” With very little excitement in their voice. I don’t want that for myself! Another reason for my waiting is because, well, we’re “waiting”! Moving in together would make things too hard to resist temptation! Also I feel like moving in before can give guys the idea that if you move in they don’t have to marry you for a really long time! Lol but like I said those are my reasons and this ended up being too long! I’m sorry! I hope you have peace with whatever you decide because everyone is different and you know yourself better than anyone else! Good luck!!!
Sweet girl,
You are unique. You are the only you in the whole universe and the only you there will ever be. God created you beautiful, strong, and filled with purpose.
With that being said: YOU and only you have to make the decision, as hard as it may be. People in your life who love you will support and not judge you either way. Stay true to yourself… no matter what.
I personally am like your younger self: I want to wait to live with someone I’m dating until we’re married. I believe it will bless the marriage and make it more special!
I’ll join you in praying for guidance and peace in your decision making!
xoxo
-Mariuh
I’d marry:D I think you should do what you feel and what you think is right! 6 years is a lot and I think it’s ok to move in with your boyfriend. You won’t let your parents down 100%!! You date your one true love for 6 years and they surely understand your wish to be together! If you feel it’s right thing for you and you want that..so do it! If you hesitate a lot and you are real believer in “moving in after wedding” then it should be like that. I wish you both happiness! You are very pretty couple! I’m the one “moving in after marriage” girl.. but I’m also a person who believes in marriage and it’s not just a piece of paper, some official act, etc. that’s why I’d not just date years and years (when we are both adults) some guy. I don’t say it’s wrong (it’s totally fine!!!). But if the person has the same feeling and thoughts about marriage and love you understand each other and noone force anyone to do anything. The same way if you think vice versa. If both people has the same opinion on moving in, wedding, marriage everything will be perfect! you just need to do what makes you happy.
Follow your heart and don’t forget all the reasons you’ve stood strong and firm by your beliefs up to this point. It may seem like the best alternative for you right now, but I can assure you God will open up an even better door if you just hold on. All in due time 🙂 best of luck.
I think everyone’s situation is different, so I can only can speak from experience. I got married when I was 22 (we’re 23 now) and we debated whether to move in together or not before we were engaged. We were like you, we had been together for years and knew we were going to get married 🙂 Ultimately, I was the one who decided that I didn’t want us to move in together, because I had that same voice of my mother, and the way I’d been brought up, whispering in my ear. I don’t think there is ANYTHING wrong with moving in together; if it makes sense for you, then go for it! But I didn’t regret it at all, I was so glad we didn’t live together before. And for me, it made our marriage that much more of an new adventure 🙂 Go with your gut girl, whatever your instinct is, it’s probably right. You’re a wonderful, smart girl, I know you’ll do whatever is best for you!
Karissa,
I know that we do not know each other from Adam and this might be weird coming from a stranger but I figured I could share some personal thoughts.
I am in a similar situation as you, I am a full time student as well as my fiancé. He is a junior in college and I am a sophomore. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and have been engaged for the past year. When my fiancé and I got engaged we were so excited to start our lives together- to have a wedding, to live with each other, etc. I have always had a very close relationship with my parents and they are my role models.
My parents urged my fiancé and I to wait to get married until after we finished college. At the time I was only in my first year of college and had three years ahead of me. I felt so torn- wanting to marry my best friend as soon as possible and also pleasing my parents wishes. I was very bitter the first couple months of being engaged knowing that I would not be able to try on dresses and set a near-future wedding date. I had always seen my friends from high school moving in together after they graduated- as if my fiancé and I were the odd ones out.
It has taken time to realize it but sometimes God calls us to be patient and trust in HIS plans. I don’t know your religious beliefs and I surely don’t want to shove mine down your throat, but I hope this will shed some light.
This month marks a year since we have been engaged and boy have things changed. I found out that I am going to start a fast-track program for my studies and will graduate nearly a year earlier. God put it upon my fiancés heart to join the military and become an officer when he graduates college which means that all of our energy will be going into our studies for the next year.
I cannot wait to marry my best friend, it is going to make it so much sweeter moving in together, being a wife etc, etc. I have have peace in knowing that God is in control, and calls us to be patient because his plans are so big in comparison to ours. It may suck at the time, and it may seem like no one is in your situation, but sit back and relax and see how far God will take you.
I pray for you and Wyatt, that He will give you discernment and peace with your decision. I pray that God gives you an understanding for His perfect plan for your lives together.
Romans 8:18
Best Wishes!
Mira
P.S. Love your posts! Keep sharing
I just read all of the comments, and basically everyone said what I was gonna say! I have now been married for one year, and I literally am SO happy we waited until we got married to move in together. All those pros you listed, completely true. But WORTH the wait! It makes everything so fun and exciting. Follow your heart, Girl. xooxox.
Our Beautiful daughter , Our Christ Jesus was a sacrifice for his Love for Us..⚓️So also , is our sacrifice to one another …⚓️Wanting to very best for the ones we Love… We Love U both …! Unconditionally …⚓️
Hey Karissa!
I totally understand how you feel about decision making…I’m the same way! This is definitely a big step to make, but I know you’ll make the right decision. Personally, I’ve never had a boyfriend so it might be pointless for me to be commenting having no experience and all, but here’s my thoughts. I think that moving in with Wyatt would be a great idea. Not only because of your list of pros and how much fun it would be haha…but moving in would let you two learn more about each other. You’d get to see what it would be like always being together. Of course there will be cons once you move in, and I can’t help but think of the scene in Frozen when Kristoff lectures Anna about love haha, but on a more serious note, I feel that even if you do have disagreements you’ll both learn how to cope with each other better. If you feel that it might not work out or perhaps the timing is wrong, then you can always find another apartment nearby. Most importantly though, follow your heart. As much as you don’t want to let your family and yourself down since you’d like to wait to live together after marriage, think about the positives it could bring. What if moving in is one of the best decisions you make? Of course waiting would be ideal, but don’t think of your future being any less special by not waiting until after marriage. If you feel that it’s right, then go for it girl. We can only learn from our mistakes, otherwise you’ll question yourself the what ifs. You and Wyatt are perfect for each other, and whatever choice you choose to make will just become another piece of your journey together. ❤
Hi sweet girl! We miss you AND Wyatt and hope you are both doing well!
Here’s a blog that may be helpful:
http://lifeteen.com/love-over-convenience-not-living-cohabitation/
You know how I love my LifeTeen blogs! 🙂 Looks like you’ve gotten lots of great advice. Continue to take your questions to God in prayer and know that I’m praying for wisdom for you and Wyatt!
XOXO,
Amanda
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