Hello friends, I’ve almost forgotten how to blog. It’s been a minute since we’ve last spoke and I’m sorry about that. Life got a little crazy there for a moment from moving back to my hometown, getting settled into our new home, getting a job, quitting said job, seeing a fertility specialist, getting pregnant with our rainbow baby and all the worries and joys that come along with a pregnancy after a pregnancy loss. I’ve been mentally occupied to say the least but it’s so refreshing to be here, typing to you. I’m thankful for all of your support along the way. Your words of encouragement and just the simple “Hey, just checking in on you” posts have been really special to me. Thank you.
My little pregnancy update:
I’m officially in my third trimester. 28 weeks. I can’t believe we’ve made it this far. This baby has no idea the love that’s waiting for him/her. We are beyond thankful for each day with our baby bear. We don’t take a second of this pregnancy for granted. As most of you know, we lost our twin baby boys, Asa and Armie last March and it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions, grief and acceptance. It’s been a hard journey to get to where we are now but we are thankful…oh so thankful for the promise that God gave us. Our rainbow.
This pregnancy has been more mentally and emotionally challenging than physically. In fact this baby has REALLY taken it easy on it’s mama. I never had bad morning sickness, just a little queasy for a couple of weeks in the beginning and a massive headache that lasted two months but nothing I couldn’t handle. I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum with the boys and I thought that feeling THAT awful was normal in pregnancy. Turns out it’s NOT normal at all. I kept on calling my doctor in panic and saying “I should be feeling worse, something is wrong.” No, nothing was wrong at all, I was just having a normal, healthy pregnancy with fewer pregnancy symptoms.
We’ve had a couple of little scares this pregnancy mostly because my husband and I are very paranoid this go around, understandably. One of the many scares was that our doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat around 13 weeks which was clearly very traumatizing for us. We felt like everything was unfolding again, just like the last time. We sat in the waiting room in complete silence and I just looked at Wyatt and said ” We have to pray”…and that’s all we did. I’ve repeatedly said, probably over a million times this pregnancy, “God, let your will be done. Whatever your plan is for this baby, let it be done.” I found such comfort in knowing that my Savior, the one that died for me, the one that has forgiven me time and time again, the one that gave me my twin boys and the one that gave me my rainbow baby was never going to let me down. He had a miraculous plan for my life and he wasn’t stopping there. We went into our emergency ultrasound and baby was absolutely perfect. He/She was kicking away saying “Hey mom and dad, I’m not going anywhere.” We even got a shot of them sucking on their thumb. We cried a lot that day…but they were only happy tears. Praise God.
We’ve had a few spontaneous doctor visits along the way because I wasn’t feeling baby move as much or just needed reassurance that everything was okay. I get in my head a little too often and it ends up doing more bad than good but thankfully I have a team of doctors that are beyond understanding and are willing to do anything for my mental health even if that means seeing them once a week to hear the heartbeat. Wyatt and I ended up buying our own doppler because these past couple of weeks have been really stressful. We needed the comfort of knowing that we could grab the doppler whenever we needed to check on baby at any time of day or night. I highly recommend getting one.
About two weeks ago Wyatt and I rushed to the ER at midnight. I had regular cold symptoms, GERD symptoms and baby was pushing up into my lungs and I just COULD NOT breathe. I had 3 or 4 massive panic attacks that night. The doctor gave me what he could to help with my GERD issues and put me on oxygen but other than that, I just had to deal with the discomfort. It was awful and I never want to experience that again. I feel much, much better now, just taking it really easy on myself from here on out. Since then I’ve been battling a little bit of anxiety and depression. It kind of just popped up out of nowhere, truly at the worst time. Some of you may not know that I’ve struggled mentally my whole life, however, I’ve really been able to manage my mental health for the past two years and then boom: Darkness hit me when all I wanted was to be happy. I’m thankful for my husband for being so understanding and doing everything he can to make me feel better. Also shout out to my friends that stay consistently amazing. They keep me laughing and keep my mind busy. That’s all I need right now.
There have been plenty of moments where God has really put us in our place, forcing us to trust Him. We’ve landed on our knees in prayer more times than I can even count in the last 7 months. We’ve really had to let go and let God on this baby and it’s taught us so much. We are going to be AWESOME parents, I know that for sure. I’m thankful to God for this challenge if it means I’ll be a better mother because of it.
Here’s some fun little updates:
How Far Along: 28 weeks
Sex Of Baby: We’re not finding out but interested in hearing what you think it might be!
Name: We have a couple names picked but I need to meet baby before I really know what name it’s meant to have.
Total Weight Gain: 20 Pounds (Getting sick really set me back a few pounds, I’m working hard to gain that weight back.)
Maternity Clothes: I haven’t been able to live without them since my first trimester. I live in my maternity black leggings!
Stretch Marks? None yet.
Sleep: It’s pretty consistent nowadays. I have to flip over every hour or so and then fall right back to sleep. Really looking forward to tummy sleeping again!
Movement: I can’t keep tabs on this baby. Some days it’s VERY active with big rolls and kicks to the ribs and other days it sleeps like it’s in hibernation or something.
Current Cravings: Chocolate Covered Strawberries but give me anything and I’ll eat it.
Belly Button In Or Out? Halfway in, halfway out. Makes me laugh.
Best Thing That Happened This Week? Beginning my 3rd trimester has been pretty relieving and exciting. Simple things like feeling baby’s kicks makes me feel better every single time. Lastly, the nursery is coming together nicely. Just a few little things needed to have it complete!
That’s all for now! I’ll do another update in a month or so! I wanna do a nursery tour as well as a ‘What’s In My Hospital Bag’ post so be on the lookout for those. Love you all!